Eight Lessons From the Front -- #6 Empathize

This is the sixth part of a serialization of a commencement address I was honored to deliver to the graduating classes of University Center Cesar Ritz, in Brig, CH. They are best read from the bottom up, part 1: Find Work You Love.

#6: Empathize
Empathy is the glue that binds. That binds families, clans, tribes, communities. It is also the key to serving well the needs and wants of customers and employees – that vital ingredient that makes the difference between giving OK service or that memorable experience that creates customer loyalty.

Empathy is more than understanding the wants and needs of others. It is not sympathy, which is merely understanding another’s plight. And it’s not sacrificing yourself, losing yourself in another’s feelings or needs to the exclusion of your own. To empathize is to understand and feel what the other is going through while retaining your own sense of self and purpose. Empathy is wholly walking in the other’s shoes – feeling their separation anxiety, their tension, their travel exhaustion – whatever is the emotional condition of the interaction with them. When you empathize, you make judgments and take actions appropriate to the feelings and needs of the other and to your responsibilities.

The ability to empathize is natural -- all humans can empathize, but not all of us do. We may wall off our feelings for others, we may become desensitized by pressure of the job or tensions we bring with us, or simply by the nature of our upbringing. We may not be confident enough to empathize with strangers. But you can change that. You can improve your ability to empathize. You can do it consciously, practicing and training to empathize. Ask yourself “what is person is feeling? What kind of experience is it for this person – what are the clues I’m picking up? How can I show them I understand and can relate?” Don’t view that next customer as just another transaction; make a game of putting yourself in their shoes and sharing their feelings. Then you will be able to give the service that distinguishes you from the merely competent person who remains faceless to customers.

Empathy is a key ingredient in effective leadership. When you empathize with each team member, you will be more likely to find the key to motivate them, to unlock their energy, and to lead. And, in turn, encourage and train them to empathize. And consciously empathize with those unknown employees for whom you are developing policies and procedures. Use small think and try to imagine and empathize.

Can lack of empathy lead to mistakes? Oh yes. When we introduced Marriott’s Marquis Club, we sought to build elite services into the program. One of my bright ideas was to create a Marquis Club position at the front desk; when a club member stepped up there to check in or out, they would receive immediate attention. We hung a fancy brass plaque above that position. But when I travelled from hotel to hotel, I would find a “closed” sign sitting under the Marquis Club plaque or a big, showy vase of flowers blocking the space. What was going on?

Well, I hadn’t applied small think, nor had I empathized with either our guests or our front desk agents. I was asking a 24 year old desk agent in her first year in the business to walk away from one, maybe two, maybe more business travelers waiting to check in or out and go over and give preference to some bloke who had just walked up to the Marquis position. And then … she was supposed to go back and now face a frustrated, irritated, sometimes irate 42 year old businessman waiting impatiently to get going. No way was she going to deal with that. And what’s more, she thought it was intrinsically unfair, un-democratic. I hadn’t thought small – about one guest and one employee dealing with one another, and I had suspended empathy for either of them.

As so often is the case, inadequately prepared employees with their own values and attitudes scuttled the grand plan from the brilliant pooh-bah at headquarters. You still see legacy airlines offering such preferential services – but at least their employees are seasoned and other travelers understand how gruesome it is to have amassed 100,000 miles and reached “premier” status. But you don’t see Southwest in the States or Ryan Air here in Europe playing those games. Do you suppose that has anything to do with their popularity and employee morale? You bet.

The organization whose employees consciously empathize with fellow employees and with customers is the organization that will provide truly distinctive service in this people business.