On Lookin' Good For Strangers

From Sun Valley

Today, near the end of an 11k skate-ski, I approached an elderly (younger than I) couple slowly working up a slight incline on classics.  Since gravity was running in my direction, I was able to straighten up, assume a decent skating rhythm and sail past, rewarded with her admiring look.  So self-satisfied ....   I pledged to myself "today, no falls." No sooner said than my skis went cattywampuss and SPLAT! -- tail over teacups.  Proverbs, 16:18: "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."  So much for lookin' good for strangers.

Blanche Du Bois said "... whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." The Kindness of Strangers; Tennessee Williams' crystalline phrase rings on in novels and biographies, PhD theses on adoption, rock albums, TV episodes, and the latest -- in Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine.  Well, I'm no Blanche; my spin, I must ruefully admit, is to seek the admiration of strangers.  Weird....

How silly is that -- to suck in my stomach and straighten my shoulders when I enter a room full of strangers.  Even worse, when passing on the street an overweight woman or guy with a gut, neither of whom I will ever see again.  What kind of sorry ego-centrism ...? Do I imagine them thinking "that is a pretty good looking guy for his age"?  Or "Jesus, I have to lose some weight."  Or "isn't he fit"?  Truthfully, yes, I do.  I peer into the narcissistic mirror of my imagination with all the angst of Sleeping Beauty's mother -- "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...."  How silly is that?  And most likely, they are really thinking -- if at all -- "catch the pompous old geezer."

On the other hand, should I just let my gut go slack, my shoulders slump, slouch along half-shaved , with a stupid, self-satisfied grin, waiting for commitment to the county home for the bewildered?  

No, perhaps narcissism has some social benefit.  Perhaps caring about what others think is a governor on one's manners, grace, politeness.   

But do I strain so to suck it in for friends or family?  Well, not so much as with strangers.  What is that about...?  I care for family; I care what friends think.  On the other hand, I pretty well know what they think.  I can't fool myself into imagining they think something other than what they know me to be.  Resolution: I must discipline myself with family or friends to stand a little straighter and -- more important -- to show my care for them. 

Yes, yes ... but, really, it is so much more satisfying to look good for strangers.