Eight Lessons From the Front -- #6 Empathize

This is the sixth part of a serialization of a commencement address I was honored to deliver to the graduating classes of University Center Cesar Ritz, in Brig, CH. They are best read from the bottom up, part 1: Find Work You Love.

#6: Empathize
Empathy is the glue that binds. That binds families, clans, tribes, communities. It is also the key to serving well the needs and wants of customers and employees – that vital ingredient that makes the difference between giving OK service or that memorable experience that creates customer loyalty.

Empathy is more than understanding the wants and needs of others. It is not sympathy, which is merely understanding another’s plight. And it’s not sacrificing yourself, losing yourself in another’s feelings or needs to the exclusion of your own. To empathize is to understand and feel what the other is going through while retaining your own sense of self and purpose. Empathy is wholly walking in the other’s shoes – feeling their separation anxiety, their tension, their travel exhaustion – whatever is the emotional condition of the interaction with them. When you empathize, you make judgments and take actions appropriate to the feelings and needs of the other and to your responsibilities.

The ability to empathize is natural -- all humans can empathize, but not all of us do. We may wall off our feelings for others, we may become desensitized by pressure of the job or tensions we bring with us, or simply by the nature of our upbringing. We may not be confident enough to empathize with strangers. But you can change that. You can improve your ability to empathize. You can do it consciously, practicing and training to empathize. Ask yourself “what is person is feeling? What kind of experience is it for this person – what are the clues I’m picking up? How can I show them I understand and can relate?” Don’t view that next customer as just another transaction; make a game of putting yourself in their shoes and sharing their feelings. Then you will be able to give the service that distinguishes you from the merely competent person who remains faceless to customers.

Empathy is a key ingredient in effective leadership. When you empathize with each team member, you will be more likely to find the key to motivate them, to unlock their energy, and to lead. And, in turn, encourage and train them to empathize. And consciously empathize with those unknown employees for whom you are developing policies and procedures. Use small think and try to imagine and empathize.

Can lack of empathy lead to mistakes? Oh yes. When we introduced Marriott’s Marquis Club, we sought to build elite services into the program. One of my bright ideas was to create a Marquis Club position at the front desk; when a club member stepped up there to check in or out, they would receive immediate attention. We hung a fancy brass plaque above that position. But when I travelled from hotel to hotel, I would find a “closed” sign sitting under the Marquis Club plaque or a big, showy vase of flowers blocking the space. What was going on?

Well, I hadn’t applied small think, nor had I empathized with either our guests or our front desk agents. I was asking a 24 year old desk agent in her first year in the business to walk away from one, maybe two, maybe more business travelers waiting to check in or out and go over and give preference to some bloke who had just walked up to the Marquis position. And then … she was supposed to go back and now face a frustrated, irritated, sometimes irate 42 year old businessman waiting impatiently to get going. No way was she going to deal with that. And what’s more, she thought it was intrinsically unfair, un-democratic. I hadn’t thought small – about one guest and one employee dealing with one another, and I had suspended empathy for either of them.

As so often is the case, inadequately prepared employees with their own values and attitudes scuttled the grand plan from the brilliant pooh-bah at headquarters. You still see legacy airlines offering such preferential services – but at least their employees are seasoned and other travelers understand how gruesome it is to have amassed 100,000 miles and reached “premier” status. But you don’t see Southwest in the States or Ryan Air here in Europe playing those games. Do you suppose that has anything to do with their popularity and employee morale? You bet.

The organization whose employees consciously empathize with fellow employees and with customers is the organization that will provide truly distinctive service in this people business.

Eight Lessons From the Front -- #5 Think Small

From my commencement address to the graduating classes of University Center Cesar Ritz in Brig, CH.

Working for a chain, there is strong pressure to think about regions or brands or centralized yield management or employee policies and so on. But remember, ours is a transaction business, one person at a time dealing with one employee -- one person picking a restaurant or selecting a hotel or making a reservation or arriving or checking out. Always frame the system or policy or procedure you are considering or developing in terms of one person – think small.

Don’t think about the chain; think about one hotel or one restaurant -- its own strengths and weaknesses, its available potential customers, and its local competitors. Those three elements compose its marketing situation – and every marketing situation is unique.

Don’t think categorically about “labor” or “market segments” or ad “targets” of people “35 to 54” or whatever. Challenge yourself to think persons, to think small, and test against your “small think” the plans, procedures, systems and policies being urged on you for the good of the chain. Optimize each unit and each transaction, and your chain will grow itself.

Small think keeps you focused and grounded.

Eight Lessons From the Front -- #4 Be Forward Looking

From my commencement address to the graduating classes of the hospitality colleges of University Center Cesar Ritz, in Brig, CH.

We (i.e., the hotel industry) are awash in data – monthly statements, daily operating ratios, even in the US, data on how one’s set of competitors did last night in rate, occupancy, and revpar (revenue per available room, a standard yardstick in the industry.) Arm an accountant with a computer and you will be up to your ass in data before you can get to your desk.

And what do we do with that data? We analyze it, we report it, bosses review it and the accountant projects it. In other words, we all stand on the observation platform at the rear of the train, looking back down the tracks and assume we know where we’re going.

Two things you must know about accountants' projections: first, they are always wrong; second, they are never right.

If you’re going to lead, get up in the engine and look ahead. Yes, it’s necessary to know where you are, but the question to ask of the data is “What does this suggest given what I know and don’t know about the future?” Forecast. Cast forward your thoughts and intentions.

Forecasts differ from projections. Projections are just extensions of the past. They don’t tell you when there is a block in the track or when a switch decision is coming. Forecasts are judgments and educated guesses of what is likely. And don’t just forecast a single future. Forecast a best, worst, foreseeable, likely, conceivable… and intentional futures. See what they suggest as a prudent leader you do.

The best CEO I ever worked for was Bill Marriott. He had coupled an amazing attention to detail with a keen gift of anticipating. One day in 1983 he called me to his office to discuss airline crew contracts which we had been beating the bushes to get during the recession with great success; we’d garnered the lion’s share of crews at every airport and metro market in which we operated. So, I gathered up my books and steeled myself to get examined about why we didn’t have Eastern in Salt Lake or Continental in Miami or whatever. I was thunderstruck when Bill said “start dumping the airlines. This economy is about to turn and business travelers will be heading out onto the road. We have to be ready for that high-rated demand, so get rid of the discounted crew contracts.” That was looking ahead -- and 1984 turned out to be a barn-burner for pent-up business travel demand.

Be curious. Don’t just solve the problem in front of you, but ask why is it that we’ve been short of banquet waiters three times this month? What does that mean about our waiter pool, or labor rates, or what’s changing in the local hiring market? Look up from the data and look around, as Bill Marriott did while I had my nose buried in the airline contract prospect books.

One more word on looking ahead: it’s amazing to me how few operators attend to demographics. Operators know a lot about their current customers (never enough, but a lot,) but don’t look at what's already known to foresee their future customers. For example, with women making up half or more of business school graduating classes in the mid '80’s, should it have been a surprise to encounter a rising tide of women business travelers ten to fifteen years later, when they were reaching middle management and taking more trips? It shouldn’t have been, but most of the industry was totally unprepared to cater to the needs and want of women diners and women guests. “How come all this damn demand for hair dryers” said housekeeping; “where are all these room service orders coming from” groused the food and beverage manager. They had all been standing at the back looking down the tracks, and nobody had been looking ahead.

Use data, of course, but be forward looking.

Eight Lessons From the Front -- #3

This is a serialization of a commencement address I was honored to give to the graduating classes of University Center Cesar Ritz, in Brig, CH. These lessons came mainly from mistakes I made along the by-ways of my career: #1-- Find work you love. #2 -- Choose the right people with whom to associate. #3 -- Don't manage. Lead. #4 -- Be forward looking. #5 -- Think small. #6 -- Empathize. #7 -- Execute relentlessly. #8 -- Be of Service.

#3 Don't Manage. Lead

(At the commencement, I asked all who intended to manage others to stand; after a hesitation, nearly all the 200-some graduates rose to their feet.” Well, sit down,” I admonished,) ...”good people don’t want to be managed.”

I recall coming home one night frustrated by my Marriott team. “They are just unmanageable” I fumed. My wife burst out laughing. “So when were you ever Mr. Manageable” she chided. She was right; I had driven bosses to distraction at times with my restless attempts to short-cut, do things better/cheaper/differently, always seeking some new new thing.

No, good people don’t want to be managed, and don’t need to be. What do they want? What do they need? Leadership. Given a vision to share, clear-cut goals and accountabilities, and the direction to go, good people will produce. Stand back and let them be good people to work with.

Manage yourself and your boss, not them. Given good leadership, your people will manage themselves -- and you.

Don’t manage. Lead.

Eight Lessons From the Front -- Part 2

This is a serialization of a commencement address I was honored to give to the graduating classes of University Center Cesar Ritz, in Brig, CH. These lessons came mainly from mistakes I made along the by-ways of my career: 1) Find work you love. 2) Choose the right people with whom to associate. 3) Don't manage; lead. 4) Be forward looking. 5) Think small. 6) Empathize. 7) Execute relentlessly. 8) Serve.

#2: Choose the right people with whom to associate .

Years ago, while debating the merits of centralized vs. de-centralized R&D with Bill Anklam, my first boss at GMI, he good-humoredly listened to the impassioned, newly-minted MBA and finally said “Fletch, it doesn’t matter. The most important decision in business isn’t your structure or even your strategy; it’s the people you choose to go into business with.” His words were prophetic and came back to haunt me several times as I made my people mistakes.

An early bad choice was the guy whose venture team I joined. Driven by his competitive ego and desire for personal glory rather than by the mission of the larger organization, he suspended sound judgment and ignored good advice. And to compound the error, I went along – arrogantly confident I could make things right from within. I committed this error of ignoring personnel danger signs three more times – twice in hospitality -- always by ignoring my gut instincts and accepting the wrong people to work for me. I had perfectly rational reasons to justify the compromises, but in these compromises were the seeds of troubles.

Who are good people? Those who love their work, who share sound values and are able to embrace with you a common mission.

Choose to be with good people. Choosing the wrong people with whom to associate , no matter how expedient it may be at the time, is to handicap yourself with two strikes as you come up to the plate.

Eight Lessons From The Front

A few years back, I was honored to give the commencement address to the classes of 2005 being graduated from University Center Cesar Ritz, an group of international hospitality and travel colleges in Brig, Switzerland, which I served as an adjunct faculty member in the hotel school. The address was well received, even by jaded faculty who had sat through many a commencement drone.

Telling a friend about it recently, he urged me to reproduce the talk here, on Northwest Ruminations. I will serialize what I call my "eight lessons from the front," being mainly a recounting of what I learned the hard way, from making mistakes -- sometimes repeatedly to my chagrin -- but to my eventual benefit.

I. Find Work You Love
There is no one sadder than the person stuck in a job they do not like. Over time, that job will just grind them down. Loving what one does is the prime ingredient of success. It endows enthusiasm, energy, and interest – those extras that distinguish the comer from the also-ran, the person whose career will blossom into multiple options and rewards.

I’ve always loved my work. First, doing market assessments of new products in the development labs of General Mills; then introducing and marketing new packaged foods; then helping plan and manage a diversification venture into toys and games; then managing a diverse group of marketing and advertising services; installing and managing a marketing process in hotel and resort businesses; and finally consulting on and teaching marketing process management.

Only once did I stick in a job I didn't love; I was doing no one any good -- me, my family, the organization. I badgered my way out of it after a couple of years, but I learned the anchor not loving one 's work can be.

I made my share of mistakes along the way but -- save for that one exception when I compromised -- I loved getting up and going to work, wrestling with work problems in off hours, and challenging conventional approaches to the job.

If you don’t love the work you find yourself in and can't force a change, then drop the job and search until you find work you can love.

Frozen, Then Thawed ... Ain't Love Strange?

I haven’t blogged in some time, not since helping care for Mom in Vermont in August. I drafted a piece on the tyranny of infirmity, the mutual dependency that locks care giver and receiver into a tyrannical circle, each lovingly imposing on the other. But that hit too close to home and love and regret shut me down for weeks.

Last night love opened me up again.

Ann and I had a cocktail, after quite a day, and then adjourned to Il Terrazzo Carmine for roasted calamari, Carmine’s antipasto, duck, sweetbreads, a great Nobile di Montepulciano, and cappuccino – all in celebration of our 19th anniversary. We nuzzled together like a couple of parakeets and recounted sappy things like our favorite places we’ve been together, what makes us so happy with one another, how lucky we are … thank God no one could overhear us.

On the way home we began to speculate on what a double martini at 6:30 and a half bottle of wine between 8 and 10 would do to one’s blood alcohol level. Were we at or over the magical 0.08?

Curiosity consumed us: we detoured to the Mercer Island police headquarters, parked and went looking for a policeman to test our blood. We figured if we were illegal they’d either drive us home or call a cab – and we’d have learned something. Unfortunately, Mercer Island in its austerity campaign closes its police office at 10 and transfers calls to Bellevue. We weren’t giddy enough to drive over there, and decided to call it a night. Despite the seeming idiocy of the idea, I’m sure I was safely within legal limits. I had put 92.5ml of alcohol into my body mass of 75.3kgms over a span of 3.5 hours – go figure. But maybe the very notion of asking for a breath-o-meter test suggests otherwise…. And I’m suspicious of her; her body mass is only 55.34kgms.

Twenty-two years entwined with this lady of which nineteen married. And we’ve never had a fight! It continues to be a terrific ride.